Mila Kunis is a well-documented WoW freak, as is our girl Maria. If you’re a WoW player, you may know her as Ophiralyn, a Level 80 hunter from the Mediocracy guild. If you’re not a WoW player, you just found your first reason to strap on a scabbard. And lucky for you, Maria was kind enough to lay out the path to a WoW girl’s Chamber of Moist Secrets (What? That’s a place in WoW! At least the way we envision it!), so take a few pointers, learn some lingo, and get ready to go looting in Vulveroth. (Again, people, IT’S A REAL PLACE IN WOW)…
1. Don't appear too eager or creepyWhen she logs on, don’t immediately whisper1 her. You don’t want her to think that you’re just stealthing2 around waiting for her. Instead, wait a few minutes—she may even send YOU a tell3. If she doesn’t contact you, be casual about the way you approach her. If this is your first time whispering her, a good conversation starter is to ask her something about her class or where she got that shiny new sword.
2. Be helpfulIf you’re a tank/healer and she’s DPS4, offer to tank/heal for her since she’ll most likely have trouble finding a group. If you have certain professions or abilities, offer them to her before she finds them elsewhere. Not only will she be eternally grateful for your help, but you can use this as an opportunity to show off your skills. /flex5
3. Keep your cool/cast Frost Resistance Aura6Don’t constantly tell her “OMG you’re a girl and you play WoW??” or “you’re really good, for a girl.” Act as if her being a girl isn’t a big deal. If you are impressed that she’s a female WoW player, ask questions about what got her started or what aspects of the game she enjoys the most.
4. Don’t be afraid of getting creativeOn my birthday one of my guy friends told me to follow him and not ask any questions. I followed, and we soon found ourselves on top of the highest hill in Nagrand7, surrounded by green grassy plains, a pink-channeled sky and waterfalls. He opened trade8 with me and gave me a box of chocolates and a bouquet of red roses. Moral of the story? Romantic gestures work, even if it’s virtual. Warning: Only use this move if you’ve been talking to her for a while. You don’t want to freak her out and have her hearth9 in the middle of your grand gesture.
5. Keep your e-peen in your pantsAll the talk about how big your DPS is unbuffed10? Keep it to a minimum. You’ll have your chance to show how skilled you are. If you’re in a group and need another player, invite her along. Let her find out on her own that you are indeed a “show-er.”
6. Listen!Whether we’re venting about how annoying this Death Knight11 was in ICC12 last night or what a hard day at work we had, listen and be understanding. If you’ve had similar experiences, share them with her. Soon enough she’ll discover just how much you have in common.
7. Not all of us are dirty Hordes13If she initiates dirty talk, play along. But don’t think that this is your green light to ALWAYS talking dirty. Be creative and fun about it. Use in-game resources like the ever reliable /flirt emote, or lure her into one of the private rooms in Dalaran14. Let’s face it, Blizzard put those there for a reason; it would be a shame to let them go to waste.
8. Don’t be pushyWhen you find out a player is a girl, don’t immediately ask her for a pic or to hop on Vent15 to prove it. We’re not here to prove ourselves to you; we’re here to enjoy the game and kick some ass. You’ll get her into Vent in due time. Here’s a hint on how to do it without seeming creepy; invite her to be a part of your Arena Team16 or a raid. All good players know that communication is part of a good team and part of that is using Vent. She won’t suspect a thing.
9. Role-playing is funStart things off subtly with a simple /wave or even a /hug. Wait for her to make the first move. Just make sure to use emotes with caution; you don’t want to make her flee with too much /love.
10. Tit for statsWith the game constantly changing, everyone can use some constructive criticism every now and again. If you’ve noticed that she’s outDPSing17 you, ask her what her stats are or what rotation18 she’s using. If she’s not doing something correctly, offer your advice. Sharing tips makes her notice that you’ve been noticing her. Just don’t be mean to her (even if she did stand in fire that one time).19
11. Be funnyDon’t be that douchebag in trade chat20 who still thinks linking spells after “anal” is funny. We all see you doing it and we’re ignoring you. 21 That’s not to say that girls don’t enjoy dirty jokes—just figure out her sense of humor and make her laugh. Girls love the funny guy, it shows confidence.
12. Ninja her heart, not her loot22IRL23 ninjas are hot. In-game ones? Not so much. A bad reputation will follow you into the depths of Azeroth24. There’s prbably no quicker way of getting a girl to /ignore25 you than ninja-ing26 her loot. If you happen to have the bad-boy reputation and she doesn’t dig it, move on. It might seem like there aren’t many of us out there, but trust me: there’s a girl in Azeroth looking for someone who likes to cause a little trouble. /wink
13. Like the loading screen tip says, “a little kindness goes a long way.”Sometimes it’s hard to not get caught up in all the childlike in-game behavior, so remember that the same tactics you used on girls when you were in grade school aren’t going to work anymore. Instead of acting like you don’t like her, compliment her on her Arena Team Stats or congratulate her on getting her hands on the BiS27 trinket.
Food for thought,